Sasquatched! The Musical


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Sunscreen, check. Bug spray, check. Energy bars, check. Sasquatch… Sasquatch??!! The myth is real! Large, hairy, and rumored to be very smelly, people have sought this legend for ages. But are the stories true? When a small boy named Sam loses his overbearing parents and gets lost in the woods, he comes face-to-face with a bona fide Bigfoot who, as it turns out, is very helpful and goes by the name of Arthur. Becoming fast friends, Sam and Arthur must each find their way to their families while warding off a television crew and crazy locals who seek to expose the Sasquatch for profit. Can these two keep each other safe and keep the truth of Bigfoot from the public? An audience favorite at the 2013 New York Musical Theatre Festival.


Act I

Arthur the Sasquatch (an intelligent, dignified creature) is lost in the woods of Columbia National Park when he stumbles upon the campsite of Bert, a local rustic. Bert flees in terror, but Arthur remains in the campsite to view an episode of Modern Monsters on Bert’s portable TV. Arthur is offended by the show’s depiction of Sasquatches (“Is That What They Think of Me?”). Meanwhile, Bert– shaken by his brief encounter– returns to nearby Filcher Creek to recount his experience at Zeke’s Bar (“Eight Feet Tall and Smelled Like a Skunk”). Bert’s tale sets in motion a hoax perpetrated by the bar owners– Zeke and his wife, Thelma– who seek to bring more business to their backwoods bar by posing as Bigfoot creatures themselves in a bid to gain media attention (“Welcome to Bigfoot Central”). The next day, Sam and his two over-protective parents (Jim and Cindy) meet Pat the Park Ranger while visiting Columbia Park– but Jim and Cindy lose track of Sam as they sing about their vaunted parenting skills (“Helicopter Parents Are We”). At the same time, news of Bert’s encounter attracts the “investigative” TV crew of Modern Monsters (Chaz, Dakota, and their cameraman, Steve) who’ve come to Filcher Creek to search for Bigfoot (“Shake the Camera and Run”). Sam– now lost– meets up with Arthur in the woods, and they decide to help each other (“Starts With You”). Bert then leads the TV Crew out to the park, where they are secretly followed by Zeke and Thelma– who are ready to don their Bigfoot suits and hoodwink the TV crew into thinking that Bigfoot is real. Meanwhile, Pat, Jim, and Cindy organize a search for Sam– an ill-fated endeavor that leads to all of the characters becoming lost in the woods (“Lost in the Woods”).

Act II

On the morning of the next day, Sam and Arthur encounter Pat the Park Ranger, who– after initially panicking at the sight of “Bigfoot”– is impressed with Arthur’s gentle and intelligent nature. Pat vows to protect Arthur from intruders and lead both him and Sam back home (“I’m an Eco-Friendly… Park Ranger”). Meanwhile, Bert is discovering that the TV crew is shallow and phony– and that their “investigative” TV show is a sham. Zeke and Thelma attempt to gain attention by skulking about in their Bigfoot suits– which leads to a series of brief chases that ends with Bert discovering Zeke and Thelma’s hoax– and becoming friends with Arthur and Sam (“You Don’t Know Me”). Pat, Bert, Sam, and Arthur then encounter Chris the Seismologist– who is out working alone in the forests of Columbia Park. Pat and Chris quickly fall for each other (“Landslides, Earthquakes, Tremors and Volcanoes”). Pat enlists Chris to help them in their quest. Pat also finds Jim and Cindy, who– although surprised to find that “Bigfoot” is real– are impressed with Sam’s newfound sense of independence. Arthur then hatches a plan to satisfy the TV Crew, and Zeke and Thelma are tricked into revealing themselves on camera– thus explaining recent “Bigfoot” encounters as a hoax. Arthur (now safe from media attention) sadly bids Sam farewell. Zeke and Thelma then enter and excitedly proclaim that their exposed shenanigans will indeed boost their business– since the media attention will make Filcher Creek the center of the Bigfoot hoax industry. All then join in a rousing reprise of “Welcome to Bigfoot Central”– the legend of Bigfoot lives on!


The quirky new pop-rock musical that will keep your Bigfoot tappin’!



Arthur (the Sasquatch) – Arthur is a Sasquatch who speaks perfect English without any accent, and is dignified, gentle, and articulate. Arthur is largely unfamiliar with human culture, however. He is completely sincere, and utterly devoid of any deception, guile, irony, sarcasm, or any type of “hip” attitude. Arthur does sing– but usually in a straightforward fashion (he is NOT rockin’, cool, hip, etc.). In fact, he is probably the most rational character in the entire show (except when he accidentally swallows a bug), even though many initially perceive him to be a wild beast.

Bert (the Camper) – Bert is about 30 to 45 years old. Although Bert exhibits many characteristics of a backwoods bumpkin in terms of clothing, grammar and mannerisms, he is a simple, honest man with a heart of gold.

Zeke (the Bar Owner) – Zeke is about 30 to 45 years old. He owns the local bar, dresses very casually (down vest and baseball hat?), and is a clever fellow with ambitions to make his bar and motel more successful– although he has never been able to translate his cunning into a profitable formula. He is also wily and observant, and very attracted to his wife, Thelma.

Thelma (the Cocktail Waitress) – Thelma is 30 to 45 years old and is married to Zeke– but is starting to see the limitations in being married to a bar owner in the rural backwoods of the Pacific Northwest. She has a fading red-state sex appeal– but she and Zeke still obviously harbor strong romantic feelings for each other.

Sam (the Boy) – Sam is a ten-year-old boy with two over-protective parents. Sam is relatively quiet and respectful, but at the same time yearns to take more control over his own life and seek some adventure. He is also very sincere, and devoid of “attitude.”

Jim (the Dad) – Jim is 30 to 40 years old, and is Sam’s father. Jim enjoys portraying the engaged father figure and is often involved in making decisions for Sam– yet at the same time he is often disengaged and usually fails to see Sam’s need to be more independent. Jim is also closely tied to his smart phone, which he carries with him at all times.

Cindy (the Mom) – Cindy is 30 to 40 years old, and is Sam’s mother. Cindy is over-protective, and also enjoys portraying herself as the ideal mother. She is even more involved in controlling Sam than Jim is– and she is constantly researching how to be a better mother (and lecturing anyone who will listen on the subject as well). Like Jim, she fails to see that Sam needs to exert his independence more. Together, Jim and Cindy represent the quintessential “helicopter parents”– as evidenced in their song.

Pat (the Park Ranger) – Pat is 30 to 40 years old, and has worked as a park ranger in Columbia National Park for the past six years. Pat is unmarried and has no children. Pat– as demonstrated by the park ranger song– is very oriented towards nature, the protection of animal species, environmentalism, multi-culturalism, etc. Even so, she usually spends most of her time telling park tourists about nature and the beauty of Columbia National Park without experiencing much of it herself, until…

Chaz (the TV Host) – Chaz is about 25 to 35 years old. He has a stylish haircut, and his clothing and looks suggest a media personality (which he is). Chaz may (or may not) also sport a British or Australian accent (which may or may not be authentic). Chaz is slick, ambitious, energetic, and often bossy and condescending. Chaz is currently on TV– but would like to be a much bigger star than he already is.

Dakota (the Other TV Host) – Dakota is about 25 to 30 years old. She also sports a stylish haircut– along with attractive clothing and looks which suggest that she is a media star as well. Dakota knows her media craft well and is good in front of a camera, but often defers to Chaz. Like Chaz, she seeks to promote herself and become a bigger TV star. Chaz and Dakota often work together, matching each other’s level of energy and presenting themselves as co-hosts– even when the camera is not capturing their actions.

Steve (the Cameraman) – Steve is 25 to 40 years old. He sports long hair, wears very casual clothes, and practices questionable grooming habits. Steve is a slob, but is good at using the camera and provides a nonchalant counterbalance to Chaz and Dakota. Unlike Chaz or Dakota (who are very smooth at talking and presenting themselves), Steve is more laconic and ironic in his speech, and often understated in his reactions– unless his camera is threatened by danger.

Chris (the Seismologist) – Chris is 30-40 years old, and wears a plaid shirt and a knit hat (suggesting a connection to the environment and the Pacific Northwest). Chris has worked outside alone in the park collecting seismic data for many years, and as a result is somewhat socially awkward. Chris is also somewhat nerdy (wears glasses?) but is very dedicated to the seismological profession and has a genuine appreciation for science, nature and the outdoors.

Chorus Members – Various parents, tourists, and park rangers, etc.

Setting: Columbia National Park.

  1. Is That What They Think of Me?
  2. Eight Feet Tall (and Smelled Like a Skunk)
  3. Welcome to Bigfoot Central
  4. Helicopter Parents Are We
  5. Shake the Camera and Run
  6. Starts With You
  7. Rhubarb!
  8. Lost in the Woods
  9. How Arthur Got Lost
  10. I’m An Eco-Friendly . . . Park Ranger
  11. You Don’t Know Me
  12. Landslides, Earthquakes, Tremors and Volcanoes
  13. Exposure
  14. Reinforce the Legend
  15. Welcome to Bigfoot Central (Reprise)

Billing responsibilities, pertinent copyright information, and playwrights' biographies are available in the show rider that comes with your license agreement. To download the show rider for Sasquatched! The Musical, click here.

“This rockin' musical romp in the woods offers hilarious social commentary on human-Sasquatch relations.” –New York Times

“Thankfully, Phil Darg has written Sasquatched!” –Theatre Mania

Sasquatched! The Musical represents a rare opportunity for a musical theater piece from Minnesota to be highlighted in a New York City venue.” –Broadway World

Sasquatched! is a heartfelt comedy about what it means to be human.” –Maxamoo

“Thumbs Up… Excellent music and lyrics, funny story line… I totally enjoyed the evening and left with a big smile on my face.” –Billi Pod Blogs

Materials: Digital Materials are provided via email as downloadable PDF files for you to print in-house. All materials are yours to keep! No deposits, no returns.

Required production materials for Sasquatched! The Musical:

  • Cast Scripts
  • Vocal Books
  • Director's Script
  • Stage Manager's Script
  • Orchestrations
  • Piano/Vocal Score
  • Piano/Conductor Score


  • Piano
  • Synth 1
  • Synth 2
  • Guitar 1
  • Guitar 2
  • Bass
  • Drums
  • Percussion

Production resources:

  • Performance Tracks
  • Sound FX