In the true spirit of Christmas, get a behind-the-scenes look at the backstabbing mothers and fiercely competitive daughters in the ‘Little Miss Christmas Pageant,’ an annual competition where ten girls (and their outrageous stage moms) compete for the coveted Christmas crown. Sequins, shiny shoes, and a can of hairspray aren’t all it takes to win this battle. These diva daughters and pushy moms are armed with sheer grit and a thirst for victory. However, when the value of truth, honesty, and love is learned, Christmas spirit becomes the true winner in this heartwarming new holiday classic.
The Bilgewater Falls Town Hall is simply buzzing as Mr. Glunchappen and his assistant Burnsy welcome contestants from around the country to this year’s Little Miss Christmas Miss Pageant ("The Gift of Winning"). The room truly comes to life when small time celebrity and pageant host Shayde Shams takes to the stage! He’s irresistible as he reminds everyone the charitable nature of this pageant. Not only will one girl be crowned winner, but a large sum of money and fees will be donated to The Sisters of the Lost Cause Hospital for Unwell Children in the tiny country of Spelva. “We’re here for a cause, not just because,” he reminds the crowd.
Shams lines up and interviews the ten contestants ("Little Miss Christmas Miss") as he selects only five finalists for tonight’s pageant. Haley Ann Hailey, Sophia Loren, Goodness Gracious McCutcheon, Taylor Addison Winerack, and Barbie Spangles are the chosen five! As they celebrate, unassuming pianist Buddy Panache congratulates Shams on his good work for the charity, but Shams sends him back to the piano with a mind full of doubts!
The finalists are given a dance coaching session by local choreographer Mister Jerry ("Glitz!"). Shams interrupts the proceedings by introducing special guest Donna Lisa Derringer, winner of last year’s pageant. She addresses the crowd in an unconvincing manner.
Once again, Buddy questions Shams as to the pageant’s validity. The devious side of Shams begins to show. It is clear he will keep all the pageant money for himself ("I Got an Umbrella"). In a flash of light, the Ghost of Jacob Marley appears. He’s not the Dickensian character, he is the creator of the Little Miss Christmas Pageant. He’s come back to warn Shams, and remind him the pageant is for charity. And he’ll send three ghosts to try to set Shams straight.
Meanwhile, as the five girls get ready for the talent competition, they tell each other of their lives, hopes, and dreams. Barbie has a particularly compelling inspiration ("Barbie’s Song [I Want to Be]").
In another room, the mothers chat, bicker, and explain their own aspirations, dreams, and beauty secrets ("The Pageant Life"). When Shams comes to explain the rules, he is visited by the first ghost, a former beauty queen from pageants past who reminds Shams of his own past ("Atlantic City"). He is clearly shaken by the apparition; Goodness Gracious overhears Shams speaking of his devious plans as the first act draws to a close ("I Got an Umbrella Reprise").
The second act begins moments before the talent competition, where tensions run high between the competitive mothers ("Better"). Goodness Gracious tries to tell her Mother what she has overheard, but it’s too late. The show is about to go on! A refreshed Shams returns to the stage as the competition begins with Hailey Ann Haley performing her signature number ("The Egg Nog Polka"). She is followed by Sophia Loren who performs an unusual, one-of-a-kind talent ("Jingle Bell Jangle").
As promised, a second ghost appears to set Shams straight. This time, it’s the ghost of a cosmetic saleswoman who is sent to help Shams ‘make up’ for all the evil he’s done. She presents him with a vision of Donna Lisa and her mother making a bogus deal to pretend to be last year’s winner. Shams quickly dismisses the ghost and proceeds with the pageant ("Mary Kay Jingle").
Backstage, everyone is having doubts about Shams. There’s no way to prove him right or wrong since the small town has no cellular service and the internet is down. But smart cookie and technical wiz Taylor Winerack has a way to help!
Goodness Gracious is called to the stage for her talent. She sings a new song she wrote, a loving tribute to her mother ("The Simple Christmas Song").
It’s time for Taylor’s talent. She forfeits her moment in order to restore cellular and internet service to solve the mystery of Shams, but Taylor’s mom will not let her hard work go unseen— and performs her talent herself! She gives an over-the-top dramatic reading like none other.
The final talent spot belongs to Barbie Spangles, who performs a routine called “Christmas on the High Seas.” She plays saxophone ("Anchors Aweigh") while her mother dances about the stage with a large cardboard battleship.
The third ghost appears, clad in the classic hooded cape and robe. He speaks not a word. Instead he hands Shams his mobile phone. Knowing very well he blocked cellular service and cut internet cables, Shams is shocked to find he has a text message. It states “You Can Change.”
The ghost disappears, and Shams is ready to disappear too! Anxious to finish the pageant and leave the country with the money, he announces the final competition of the night. The girls enter in their most glitzy pageant dresses ("Reasonably Pretty"). But before he can crown a winner, the mothers surprise Shams with two nuns from The Sisters of the Lost Cause Hospital for Unwell Children. He tries to flee, but pianist Buddy Panache reveals his true self! He’s an undercover investigator. Shams has no choice but to give the money to the sisters. He’s now broken, exposed, and undone.
The man who never had a true family holiday and only wanted to escape is now invited by each of the moms to spend Christmas with them. For the first time, Shams sees goodness, kindness, forgiveness, and a bright future ("The Simple Christmas Song Reprise").
All the ingredients for an entertaining new holiday happening.
Buddy Panache – A shy, bespectacled piano player with a secret.
Mr. Glunchappen – A befuddled older man.
Burnsy – A stage hand (could be cast male or female).
Shayde Shams – Slick, flashy, devious host of the pageant.
Helen Haley – Devoted mother from Texas who takes the pageant life very seriously.
Hailey Ann Haley – Her daughter, the most perfect little girl— ever!
Olivia Westinghouse Winerack III – Wealthy, snobbish New Yorker.
Taylor Addison Winerack – Her daughter. Smart, beautiful, and an overachiever.
Marybeth Mccutcheon – Sweet, homespun, small town mom.
Goodness Gracious Mccutcheon – Her daughter. As sweet and simple as her mom.
Mugsy Loren – Streetwise housewife from New Jersey.
Sophia Loren – Her daughter. A tough cookie with no desire to be at the pageant.
Cheryl Spangles – Fun-loving mom bubbling over with personality.
Barbie Spangles – Her daughter. Eager to please, eager to win.
Paula Porcupone – A contestant.
Skyblue Mountain Windsong – A contestant.
Rona Chernobyl – A contestant.
Angelo Acquafresca – A contestant.
Natalie Nabisco – A contestant.
Mister Jerry* – Flamboyant, over-the-hill choreographer.
Donna Lisa Derringer – Local girl convinced to enter the pageant.
Jacob Marley* – A ghost from Mr. Sham’s past (not from Dickens!).
First Ghost* – A beauty queen ghost from pageants past.
Boy** – A vision of Mr. Shams from his past.
Second Ghost* – The ghost of a cosmetic saleswoman.
Mother** – Donna Lisa’s down-to-earth mother who appears in a vision.
Third Ghost** – A hooded, caped, mute figure.
First Nun* – Nun from the country of Spelva. Does not speak English.
Second Nun** – Another Spelvan nun who speaks English.
*In the original production, all of these roles were portrayed by the same actor to great comic effect.
** These roles may be double cast by actors in other roles.
Setting: The pageant finals at the Bilgewater Falls Meeting Hall Train Depot.
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Billing responsibilities, pertinent copyright information, and playwrights' biographies are available in the show rider that comes with your license agreement. To download the show rider for GLITZ! The Little Miss Christmas Pageant Musical, click here.
“A wildly funny spoof.” –Broadway World
“A ridiculously funny new holiday musical with a heartwarming ending.” –Kids Out and About
“Glitz crosses A Christmas Carol with Toddlers & Tiaras.” –CT Post
“A tongue in cheek tribute to the Honey Boo Boos of this world.” –Connecticut Critics Circle
“Take a bevy of little beauties, add make-up, ambition and talent, and you have all the ingredients for an entertaining new holiday happening.” –Connecticut Critics Circle
Materials: Your materials will be sent to you two months prior to your opening date and will include everything necessary for your production. They can be ordered in Printed or Digital format. Printed Materials are provided on unbound three-hole punched loose-leaf paper while Digital Materials are provided via email as downloadable PDF files for you to print in-house. All materials are yours to keep! No deposits, no returns.
The Authorized Materials/Rehearsal Package for GLITZ! The Little Miss Christmas Pageant Musical includes: