The Roosters are excited. "It’s the Holidays at Pelican Roost," the party school of retirement communities. Our host couple is fully immersed: she’s sewing Nutcracker tutus, and he is crafting a hoped-for win in the best balls contest.

Ray Roue’ becomes "Discombobulated" looking for his Minerva. He knows the who, the what, and the why… but he can’t find his way. He tries some group therapy, but gets caught between the mistletoe and his intended.

Naomi Lipschitz-Yamamoto-Murphy, chairperson of the Pelican Roost Annual Holiday Extravaganza, knows it’s time for her to go to work: the featured flavor of Ensure® has just changed from Pumpkin Spice to Peppermint Mocha. She’s ready, but is concerned about her appearance. “Poof!” she incants in "Doc Redux," “Make me look like I was still a goil… before I spoil!”

Back in the 1900s, Adipose Rex had a 31-inch waist. Since then he’s… grown. His doctor is having no more of it, and has Fat Addie singing "The Metabolic Blues" all the way through the holiday buffet line.

Each holiday season at the Roost, the Query Fairy holds the "Senior Holiday Trivia Quiz." “Try hard,” she admonishes the audience. “The winners get to remain in Independent Living.”

The Query Fairy broke her hip last year. She’s fine now, but the healing process found her dependent upon her "Tennessee Walker." “It’s the finest damn walker, says the AARP.” So fine, in fact, that she developed a… well… unusual relationship with it.

What’s the perfect holiday gift? Consider the "Cheap Suit." The Roost’s favorite Lawyer tells us that it’s a gift card... for his legal services. “Give one to all your friends.”

During the Wellness Center Holiday Pharmaceutical Challenge, Roosters guess the number of prescription pills in an oversized bottle. The Rooster who guesses closest wins all the pills. And a Grateful Dead eight-track tape.

"The Cure," it seems, always involves a drug. Or several drugs. Or several more, to moderate the effects of the first ones. That’s ok… “Medicare Part D makes it almost for free.”

Retired B-list comedian Ben Younger honors the season with jokes older than Santa Claus and an homage to Christmas Carol, an old… friend.

When you’re a judge for "The Annual Pelican Roost Holiday Golf Cart Parade," community service can be lucrative. And punitive.

Chicagoans Knippy and Skii Shivvers are "Chili Today But Hot Tamale" as they plan their retirement move to Pelican Roost. Six-packed and bikini waxed, they’re shakin’ their melancholy.

Rocky is a retired bus driver who drove tour busses for rock-n-roll’s most elite bands. Now, he delivers the goods to any female Rooster who is on his route. He encourages them all to "Tell Me Wha’cha Want."

Naomi Lipschitz-Yamamoto-Murphy met each of her "Husbands" during the holiday season. Not all the same year… different years, same season. One was a photographer; the second, a collector; the third, a dog-lover. Naomi is… eclectic.

This year, Naomi, a former biker and current "Red Hot Mama," is actively seeking Husband Number 4. She hunts him on her white Harley-Davidson. What she catches, though, is a whole different kind of ride.

Still looking for the perfect holiday gift? Just "Suit Yourself." It, too, is a gift card. The Lawyer thinks you should buy one for yourself... because, he advises, “It’s better to give a lawsuit than receive one.”

"Tom, Dick and Harry" have a lot in common, not the least of whom is Nikki. But at The Pelican Roost Wellness Center, they know discretion can be the best gift of all.

The "Side Effects" can be worse than the disease. And the label restrictions! Is a Cadillac considered heavy machinery?

"The Gift of The Bag Guy," by O’Henrietta, reminds us all that the thought means more than the gift, and the gift means more when it’s a good deal.

An "Announcement" is sometimes the best way to avoid being driven to destruction.

Who knew a "Motorized WalMart Shopping Scooter" could attract so much attention? Nick Dent, that’s who. Try to stay out of the way. The elves couldn’t.

Every year, auditioners for the "Holiday Extravaganza" troop past Naomi Lipschitz-Yamamoto-Murphy’s casting couch. During those years, she’s learned a lot. The first year, she ran The Pelican Roost Holiday Beauty Contest. Nobody won. Now, she just chooses acts, and fends off suitors, be they real or imagined.

Still looking for the perfect holiday gift? It must be the "No-Sweat Suit." It’s the Lawyer’s gift card that includes a paragraph that says it can never be used against you, the giver. “Buy one for everyone you know,” the Lawyer encourages. “You’ll never be sued.”

"The Peril of The Bells?" Ask not for whom these bells toll… they toll for the couple who were trying to follow their doctor’s advice. It worked… but only for one of them.

"Granny’s Christmas Goose" is the generations-old story of an early Pelican Rooster. It tells of crossed boundaries, gentle violence, and murder most… fowl.

"The Holidays at Pelican Roost Reprise" are, the Man and Woman tell us, “the season of love” but they “don’t need an excuse.” And they hat-and-cane their way to a rousing, anthemic “See ya at the Roost!”

But wait!!! There’s more!!!

Everybody say “Ho, Ho, Ho!” cuz they “wrap, wrap… the bow on the box, tapin’ up the paper to the bow box boogie” in "Wrapper’s Delight." Straight outta Compton… and Bennett!